Thursday, October 11, 2012

{faith} Don't Give Up

"He is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength. Trust in Him at all times, you people. Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." 
Psalm 62 6 - 8
{Photo Credit: Rima Garsys}
I had pumpkin beer and ramen for dinner.

We made chocolate chips cookies to de-stress.

I am listening to the new Mumford and Sons album.

I am smiling and feel a lot better. 

One exam down and one to go. I can do this.

I thought I failed my exam today, it was probably one of the hardest application exams I have ever taken. I trusted myself and just went back through it because I still had time and told myself, "Amanda, just try your best and that's all that counts". I left the exam with the wind knocked out of me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to pack up my bags and and quit. I kept thinking, If I couldn't pass a drug class then I obviously wont be a good pharmacist. So, I cried. A lot. Questioning everything. 

That isn't the best mindset to have in a 4 year Doctoral program. I knew I needed a different approach. When I got home, I relaxed and took a deep breath. I started thinking about how I felt the first semester of high school and the first semester of college. THE SAME WAY I am feeling now. "Hard things are put in our way not to stop us but to call out our courage and strength." This is something I read every day. This is my quote. And I really thought about it. I have made it through all of the VERY hard things that have happened in my life. I am stronger because of them. I wanted to give up before and I didn't. Thank goodness I didn't because I wouldn't be where I am today - in a pharmacy doctoral program in North Carolina. I trusted my gut, left my friends and family, moved to a foreign city, and took a leap of faith. If it was all rainbows and butterflies then it probably wouldn't be that great of a ride. The rough times are just the chocolate chips in my cookie. They aren't as smooth as the batter but add to the wonderfully delicious taste. Hard times is what makes this experience worth it. 

So, I am going to try my hardest to believe in myself more and trust that I am here for a reason. That I can and will make it through this program and become a GREAT pharmacist. Making an impact in people's lives every day. 

Just a little Thursday thought. Today was hard but tomorrow will be better because of it.


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